crumbling...

Hey there everyone,

The last month or so has been really hard on me. I feel like everything is crumbling. I am just so incredibly frustrated. I feel like I cant do anything right for this family. I try my hardest and yet, it never seems to please them. Ive been feeling this way for the last month and a half or so. But this week, it just seems impossible to make them happy. Here's a few examples of what I deal with. Every day, I get criticized for little things not being perfect and snapped at all the time. I swear, I jump every time Flo comes into the room because I dont know whether she's going to yell at me for something. his is my first au pair experience and for them, as well. So, naturally there will be some adjustments. I know that Im doing a good job but, I feel they have unrealistic expectations. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes. And this last month, unfortunately, Ive made a lot of them. I lost my credit card and had to have it canceled and a new one sent to me. I had a lil fender bender in a parking garage and scraped Matt's car pretty badly. I was absolutely a mess over the car and now have to pay for half of the repairs. I've never been in an accident before and of course, it had to happen here!
Matt, Flo and I have had two discussions about everything. The first talk they explained all theses things that they wanted me to work on and improve on. (All things that werent that big of a deal) So Ive been trying my best to do everything theyve asked. Then, just last night, we sat down and talked and this time, I told them how I was feeling. Not being appreciated, not feeling taken care of, and generally working in a hostile, non-family like environment. It didnt go very well. They were very defensive and by the end, had turned the whole thing back on me and told me what I was doing wrong, instead of apologizing and saying that they were sorry that I felt that way. Generally, I just feel that they dont care about me. I am just not feeling very happy here. I have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not I want to stay here. I will keep you all posted, of course, as soon as any decisions are made. So stayed tuned everyone!

life's a beach!

 I just got home today from spending a beautiful, relaxing weekend in the south of France. Florence's family is from Marseilles and they were nice enough to invite me along on their vacation. We left early Wednesday morning and took the TGV, which is a high-speed train. The trip only took 3 hours! Once we arrived in Marseilles, Flo's mom's car didnt have enough seats so I had to take a taxi! Not a big deal. The first thing I did was take a lil nap because we had gotten up so early that morning. Then, once I was rested up, I headed to the BEACH! I got a lil lost on the windy roads from the house but, finally saw ocean ahead and was super excited. I couldnt believe how blue the ocean was! It was sparkly and absolutely gorgeous! I sat on the beach for about an hour before heading back to watch the kids while Flo went to pick up Matt at the airport. Thursday, I spent the whole afternoon on the beach, soaking up the sun, reading and just relaxing. Friday was my 23rd birthday and of course, I went back to beach. I treated myself to a huge italian ice cream and also got an awesome sun burn! I guess I didnt put on enough sunscreen. oops! Saturday, I was too sunburned to go back to the beach and just stayed home and played with the kids. We took the train home again and I already miss the sunshine and the ocean. Unfortunately, the weather here in Crespieres is the exact opposite-cold, overcast and I think it's supposed to rain all week.

Here are a few pics from my trip!

I also took a lil video of the ocean because the pics didnt do it justice. Look for it in my next post! Love you all! 

Trains, Metro and Buses...

  

Bonjour tout de monde (everyone)!

Well, my plans for Disneyland got delayed a week so, stay tuned to hear about my day in the park. Im going this next Saturday with my friend Michelle, who I adore. She is going back home to Spain on Monday and Im so sad Im losing her. We've had so much together. Also, my friend Linnea's time is up as well. She's headed back to Seattle, back to the real world. lol Sadness. I will miss Linnea a lot!
 Saturday, i was able to spend the day running around Paris with Michelle. We met in Versailles and jumped on a train that took us to the edge of Paris. Then, we took the Metro further into the city. We went to an area called Republique. In France, there are two mini versions of the Statue of Liberty and I was able to see one of them. Michelle and I thought it was appropriate to visit on the weekend before Independece Day. The statue was in the middle of a round-a-bout and was magnificent. It was a lot bigger than I expected. Here's a picture.

Next, we jumped back on the Metro and headed to a park that Michelle has been wanting to go to. It's called Parcs des Buttes Chaumont. It was amazing-waterfalls, big grassy hills dotted with people sunbathing and reading books, restaurants playing live music-(a great band was playing Marvin Gaye's What's Goin On as we walked by. I totally sang along!) The park was huge and I def felt like I could have spent all day just enjoying the sunshine. Here are some pics of Michelle and I.

 

We had a great time at the park. After walking around, we got Amorino's italian ice cream! SO GOOD!  Then, we took a bus to the Arc de Triomph/Champs-Elysees area. Then, jumped on another bus to La Defense, the more modern area of Paris. It reminded me of San Francisco a lil bit. Skyscrapers, industrial buildings and more modern architecture. 

This is the 2nd Arc-it's not as cool as the Arc de Triomph. 

Overall, we had a great day and Wednesday, we are going to do a lil shopping! Have to have a new outfit for Disney on Saturday! Hope you are all well! Bisous! 

Finding Strength...

      

from left, Melissa, Linnea, Michelle, me, and Betsy. I love all of these girls! 

I had one of the worst weeks, thus far. The trials placed in front of me this week made me question staying here. I wont go into details but there were lots of moments that caused this. I had lots of venting moments with my Mom on the phone and how grateful I am that she is an early riser so that I can call her. I also received a great motivational letter from my brother who told me, 90% of life is how we react to what happens to us, 10% of this life is what actually happens to us. That helped put things into perspective and that I really needed to change my attitude. I have this amazing opportunity to be in France for a year. I have the opportunity to learn a new language. This has been a struggle for me. But, I know as I continue to study and work diligently at it, it will come in time. I have the blessed opportunity to be apart of two beautiful children's lives and help them grow and discover the world around them. This life is meant to be hard. Challenges help shape us, teach us valued lessons and also, give us perspective. 

After my horrible week, I was able to attend the baptism of my new friend Michelle, on Saturday. It was a fantastic morning. I felt the Spirit very strongly and knew that Michelle's life would be forever changed as she chose to follow Jesus Christ and join His church that has been restored to the earth. I also relfected on the happiness that being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has brought me in my life. True happiness comes as we live our lives patterned after the Savior's perfect life- having charity, selfless service, and truly trying our best to become like Him. I am grateful that I have this knowledge. I was also able to spend time with my friends who I dont get to see very often. I found strength this week through my family and friends, and of course in the Savior.

This next weekend, Matt and Flo are leaving on a romantic get-away and the boys will be with their grandparents so I am on my own. Michelle and I are planning a trip to.... DISNEYLAND PARIS! I am so excited! Expect tons of pictures and a full report on our day at "the happiest place on earth". 

As of late...

Bonjour mes amis!

Wow, it's been about a month since my last post. Still no Wifi at the house, so I come to a local McDonald's to use their free Wifi. Usually, when Im here, Im checking emails, chatting with my mom or skyping friends and blogging has just been put on the back burner for awhile. Im here almost every day and Im so sick of being here. I cant wait til we get the Wifi installed. Matt tried once and he blew a fuse and the power went out for a few mins. So, it is being discussed with the architect and it will be awhile it they can figure it out. So here's the latest news. The house is still a construction zone but at least there has been some progress. The painting of the dining room, salon, and kitchen is pretty much done. The wood flooring was done but they are redoing a few spots. It is slowly starting to look like an actual house. I cant wait til the furniture is brought in and we can actually have a couch to sit on! Up until a few days ago, we didnt even have chairs to sit in while we ate dinner at the bar in the kitchen. My shower decided it doesnt want to drain so thats been fun too-standing in about 4 inches of water every time I shower for the last two weeks. It's hopefully going to be fixed on Thursday.
I finished my french classes this last Friday and honestly, it's been a huge waste of money and time. We barely spoke at all in class, only reading aloud from the book at times. It was all bookwork and exercises from the lil workbook. I dont feel it helped me progress much.  I now know that when looking for my new school in the fall, I will find a class that is more conversational and less bookwork. And I missed the mid-term so I didnt get a diploma! Sad but I dont care that much.
The kids are still cute as ever. We have good days and bad days and Im learning a lot. I have so much more appreciation for all the mothers out there. YOUR JOB IS HARD! It's so hard getting pulled in different directions at once! And when my babies are having a hard day or are tired, it means Im having a bad day...
Im so grateful that Ive been able to keep in touch with my family and friends. The time difference makes this difficult at times but, it has really been my life line while things are rough. The house taking so long to finish, things with Matt and Flo not going as smoothly as Id like and just my situation, in general right now, has really been taking a toll on me and Im so grateful for the ability to be in contact with my loved ones.
Here are some pics from the last month! Enjoy! Miss you all! <3<3<3

Go GIANTS! Im cheering from France!

He wanted me to eat his fingers!

Kisses! Bisous! 

eating what the French think is "mexican", totally different. 

Antton saying hello to the animals at the park. 

Cutest lil thing reppin' the Giants! 

PS. I will take some more pics of me and Antton, I have some on my cell phone that I need to figure out how to get on here. More pics to come! 

A fast update!

  Hey y'all!
 I dont have much time right now so this will be fast! Im at a McDonald's right now using their Wifi! I dont have internet at the new house yet so this is how Im connecting to the you guys! First of all, as of today, Ive been in France for TWO MONTHS! Time is flying by! The new house  is a work in progress and I have lots to complain about but I wont! haha Hopefully, the pics will do the mumbling and groaning for me. I do have a lot of free time during the day and Ive spent it reading in the garden as they call it (the backyard), walking around the beautiful neighborhood and I found this great lil puck pond that is now my favorite "thinking" place! It's so peaceful there!

My schedule is a lil bit different here with the boys and now instead of their grandparents picking them up from creche. I have to do go get them... which means I had to learn to drive the stick shift car! It was rough at first but now after a week of driving, I feel more comfortable! I had driven the car around the neighborhood and on the road a lil bit and then on day three of practicing, I had to go get them! It's only about 10 mins away from the house But, let me tell you, I was sweating bullets and praying that the other cars would just move out of my way so I didnt kill anyone or myself and the boys!

Here are some pics of the house! Sorry some of them are sideways! 

                                  This is the salon, family room and dining room.

                                   This will be the master bedroom....

My room in the basement!

                                   This will be the master bathroom upstairs!

 The front door and entry way...

The kitchen

I love you all! More next time! I have to go pick up the baby! Muahs!

A quick update...

Hi there!

             Today is packing day and a bunch of mover guys are at the flat right now packing everything up! Antton and Nerio are with their grandparents today, which means I have the day off and am sitting right now at the park, enjoying the sunshine and free WiFi! I dont have the internet right now on my computer. For now, this is a great, not to be mention, relaxing way to jump online!
              Tomorrow, we will be moving into the new house! I am excited, but also sad to leave Paris. The city is so beautiful and I have quick and easy access to great parks, shopping and all the fun tourist-y things. Crespieres is a much smaller town and only 30 mins away from Paris, but I think it will feel a lil' isolating being away from the city. I have also just started to feel settled and into the swing of things! And now, my routine will change. Instead of Florence taking the kids to creche (daycare), it will be me and I will have to learn to drive their stick-shift. I am extremely nervous about that! Im praying I will get the hang of it easily and it wont be a problem!
               Something else I am very excited for is the pool! My skin is itching in anticipation of all the sunbathing I will be doing! It will also be very fun to swim with the kids and play with them in the pool! Matt told me the pool can be heated as well, so I will def being doing some night swimming! I cant wait!

Well, I hope you are all doing well! I miss you all! Please keep in touch! Loves!